Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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