OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize