All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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