this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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