you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
