I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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