I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
only you would photoshop your dick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
