Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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