trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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