I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
