dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
