I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
