did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
