we have officially lost it.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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