Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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