the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
