Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
