the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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