so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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