i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
