I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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