There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
