we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
