If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
