If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
