Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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