Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
