We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
