This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize