do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
