May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
