And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
