Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
