3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
