No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
