Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
