I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
