Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
