we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
