Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize