Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize