if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
