where am i from again
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
