Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
PANTIES FOUND
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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