you guys were way drunker than both of me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
