This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
