I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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