I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
