I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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