You're completely useless in the revolution.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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