I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
