Only a mothe r could love this liver
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
