I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
