Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
