3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
