I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
