Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
