its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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