Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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