It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
