i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
