Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
