Your face is a jimmy john
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
