One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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