before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
