so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
