I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
