Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize