so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
