I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
