I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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