You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
