Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
