my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
