She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
