I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
