Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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