"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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