I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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