i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
